The importance of memory

I went to see my friend the other day, at the memory care facility where she lives. She has been there for several years now and, at this point, she doesn't remember who I am but I think she feels my friendship so I keep going back, about once a month. Memory is a funny thing. As she sinks deeper into dementia, the things she remembers have to do with her childhood. She can remember the address of the house she grew up in, but nothing about the lake house where she lived with her husband for the last 20 plus years. Our conversations are circular, with the same topics being covered over and over on a short loop. On that particular day she said that none of her family come to see her, except her mother. Her mother, of course, has been gone for many years.

One thing that she says over and over is, "I'm not unhappy here; I have three meals a day and people to talk to, but there's no connection." By "connection" I think she means shared history, memories. Despite living side by side, these women are not connected. They are all in their own worlds.  

Being "not unhappy" is not the same as being happy. I have been giving some thought to the idea that memories are essential to being happy. My passion is helping people preserve their memories through photography and photo restoration. I know people who say they don't take pictures on vacation because the experience is the important thing, but how much do you actually remember? In my case, I remember the vacation because of the photographs I took or the small souvenirs I brought back. The word "souvenir" comes from the French verb "to remember".  It means a memory, as well as a physical item.  I make photo books of our vacations and enjoy looking back at them-and remembering.

I have a reputation for having a good memory, mostly because I take so many photos. However, there are times when my memory plays tricks on me. I recently had some slides digitized, from a high school trip to Provence in 1972.  Except, when I went looking for my journal of the trip, I discovered that we went in 1973!  One of the advantages of digital photography is the metadata that is embedded in each file. It can settle an argument about when a trip was taken or an event took place. Your cell phone photos will even tell you where you took the picture! 

What do you remember most, looking back? Is it the happy times, or the grievances? As my mother neared the end of her long life, she forgot that she and Dad had a messy divorce after thirty years of marriage. Instead, she only remembered that he was the love of her life. What a blessing to hang on to the good memories instead of the hurt and the tears.

We take photos on many happy occasions; they remind us of friendship, family, fun vacations and those long days of childhood, which actually pass in the blink of an eye. Even when someone has passed away, photos have the power bring them back. So take photos, share them and look at them often. Keep the good times alive in your memory!